| Emily asks Kelly a Question..... |
[Mar. 16th, 2006|06:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | none | ] |
Okay, so this is gonna be really short because I have a history paper to write. But anyways, about a month ago the people over at the Kelly Clarkson Fan Club asked us (proud members of the official fan club) to send in questions for Kelly to potentially answer. Jumping at the thought of this I sent in my emails within the first like 30 seconds. We don't hear anything for a while, just that the emails have been sent and Kelly got the first batch. Well today the first 20 odd she answered are up. I suggest we look at #12:
12. Emily from Montreal
I was just wondering if there are any funy rituals or routines that you go through before you perform?
I don't do anything except pray with the band before every show. I'm usually running late, haha, no time for superstitions!
OMG She answered me!!! Now this is a LOT funnier if you know me as a person. Cause you know if she had any rituals I for sure would have adopted them because she is the coolest person alive, and I do have OCD. Let me just say Kelly, good call for my sanity.
I'm so happy! yay Kelly!
Emily |
|
|
| Emily Remembers Romaca |
[Mar. 2nd, 2006|05:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sentimental | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | radio | ] |
Short entry today, because I don't have much to say, and Romaca is really what's on my mind (we'll get to the picture later). But yeah, I thought I had weird dreams before, but every single day this week they've been Romaca related. Most of the time, in the dreams, I'm at the first day of camp '06, but I'm not allowed to talk to any of my campers, or see any of my friends. Christa's there too most of the time. I know this would never happen, and that just because I wasn't asked back doesn't mean I'm not welcome there, but that's the impressions I get in the dream. So us counsellors who didn't get asked back are doing pre-camp work while the new and returning staff are bonding and playing with the kids. This is where the dreams start to differ. Sometimes, I do something heroic and get the job. Other times, I meet the new generals and then I land up staying (more like refusing to leave). But most of the time I just watch Romacan life pass me by and as soon as I even get remotely close to a girl I recognize and wave I get reprimanded. Throw in the odd tornado tearing down the rec hall, and you've got my dreams for the past week or so.
There was one weird one though. In this one, I somehow managed to get Singerman to have a field trip to Romaca. And everything goes wrong. The Singerman kids totally don't get Romacan culture, and get bored when Romrec leads us in songs. They misbehave, and do little thigs that real Romacans know not to do (ie: cross the road instead of use the bridge). It's just so obvious they don't fit in. I apologize as we head back to Montreal.
I don't know what this means. Does it mean that the two worlds I love can't possibly coexist? Do I have to be strictly a Singerman advocate, or a Romacan? Can't both parts make up my personality? I mean, I'm usually not into reading into dreams, well at least I haven't been until recently. Am I just disapointed in myself for not being good enough to be asked back? That's probably it, but I don't understand how I was a camper for 8 years at a camp in the Laurentians, but I spend one Summer in the Berkshires and my life changes, and invades my sub-conscious. There's obviously something about that place that was way more substantial than I thought it was this Summer. Like I said, I don't know if I'm just missing it because I know I can't be there, or because I'm actually emotionally attached to it. I like to think it's a passing phase and the first thing is true, but I know it's the second.
I also keep remembering random things from the Summer. Me chatting with the girls of cooking and baking while Christa did the actual cooking and baking. Watching TRL during rec swim in the new staff lounge. The floaters reserving the lounge on Monday nights to watch season 2 of Laguna Beach. Bunk four always playing Kelly during clean up. Having a certain camper beat me and Christa in a game of "Donkey". Another camper crying when we actually pulled off a sneakout. Parties on my bed with the whole bunk. Parties on Christa's bed because she had illegal candy. Being so proud of my girls at the play. Campers playing praks on us. What Dreams Are Made Of (ironically enough, on get to meet your camper night). Dying for day offs, but never wanting Christa's. Meeting people in orientation. Confusing Kelsi and Melissa for most of the Summer, when I clearly knew who each one was. One camper's impression of another camper. Jinter dances in the rec hall with Suzanne playing S Club 7. Heart to hearts with Kathleen on mother daughter weekend.
Those are just a microscopic amount of the things that I remember. Kat was going to come visit last week, but then the roads were too bad and the weather was miserable for her to come down from Ottawa. She'll come soon, so will Christa. If not, I'm getting my behind out to a Romacan. I woke up this morning and Jo (Scottish) messaged me on MSN. She hadn't been on MSN since May, and even though we only spoke for 15 minutes or so I could have sworn I just saw her yesterday. It's the same feeling that lets me know I can post comments on Jen's LJ or Russo's Myspace and feel like not a day has gone by. Feel that it's not a random interaction, and that just because I don't speak to some of the Romacans regularily doesn't mean we're any less close. I didn't write down addresses during camp. I guess part of me thought I'd always be back, or that I'd get them from Christa. But I never did. I wonder why I never got Cheryl's email, or Lisa (s), or Alex's, or Child care, or anyone for that matter. But part of me knows that even if I started talking to them now it would be like no time had passed, and we wouldn't hold it against each other. So what if it's small talk? My heart still skips a beat when I get an email from a Romacan, or see that one's online. I still can't watch the slideshow without pangs of loss.
What's even more astonishing to me is that the Romcans don't know the Emily that existed in tenth grade, or really any of the Emily that existed pre Summer 05. And yet we still got along, there was still something substantial there. They still liked me and I still like them. This is the greatest affirmation that what I thought made up so much of my identity when I was 16 is only a microscopic part of me. That's probably the most important thing I've learned. They knew me and connected with me without knowing the screwed up part. That in itself is extremely reassuring and hopeful. I think Romaca really was my first step in moving on.
Okay, enough mushiness for now. I'm going to end with the picture. I have drawn with my fabulous talent, Bunk 3 from the outside. The messy porch, muti-coloured rain coats on hooks. Then the shoes, the one from the pair that was always outside while the other was inevitably in the camper's cubby, Mel's purple high heel plastic dress up shoes she insisted on wearing most of the time. The green curtains on the window by my bed stretching down to Sisi's. The heavy aluminum trash can on the side, and the gravel path that always seem to take more effort to walk on than the grass. That's bunk three. And that's what it will always be to me. It's not the cloroxed-floor baran place I last saw it as. It the mess, the fact that we couldn't even get two 10s the whole summer on cleanup. The lanyard on the benches along with a dozen water bottles. That is bunk three. So here it it:
I MISS YOU ALL ROMACANS! "Friends, friends, friends, we will always be..."
:) Emily |
|
|
| Emily Goes Lethargic |
[Feb. 23rd, 2006|09:08 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  lethargic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | ummm.... KELLY: Come Here | ] |
It's going to be a short blog today becaue I have to leave for school in about an hour. But I have to actually work when I get home this afternoon, with my impending history test and blog project. I can say that I have seen enough American Idol in the past 48 hours to come to a few realizations: a)Ace is hot. B) How they manage to stretch 12 one minute performances into two hours is beyond me (I fell asleep for half an hour and missed 2 people). c) There will never, ever be anyone remotely close in terms of talent as Kelly, which reaffirms my theory that she is the only American Idol. But she's way cooler than that now.
My life has actually been more boring than usual in the last few days. Although yesterday I made Jess skip school and we went for lunch and Winners instead. So that was a nice little spontaneous moment for me. I didn't get home until four when I came to the ultimate realization I couldn't put off doing anthropology any longer and wrote my fatherhood paper. Luckily my wit and above averae intelligence (right....) had me done before dinner, so I had most of the evening to do nothing but eat Chinese and watch American Idol. There is nothing like a guilt free night off. I mean, I could have done way more work and been really effiecient and stuff, but I was just revelling in the fact that I had actually gotten the one thing done.
I can't believe we;re already at midterms, which for me means one thing; Summer is almost here. Okay, granted it's snowing outside and I still need to bundle up to get from my door to the car, but I can smell it. Well not really, but I do have a sixth sense, and right now it's sensing that hot is the new cold. I was shopping on Saturday and there was Spring stuff in the stores which made me so happy. I mean the colours are just happier. Pink and green and yellow, just so much more appealing than my current attire of a charcoal grey tshirt and maroon sweatpants. I love it. Okay, but honestly I almost squealed (and you know I did)when I saw the wedges and flip flops! I cannot wait until my feet see natural day light again. I can tell it won't be long until I have that oh so attractive sandal tan again (my feet are still recovering from Romaca, Summer '05).
So yeah, there was a total lack of interesting television last night. But I made this drawing last week so I thought that I would post it on a Wednesday, because it's "Lost" inspired. It's my take on the notorious "Others" that are haunting the island. Three words for you: angry palm trees. Note the smoke in the corner. You don't want to make a palm tree angry or they might steal your children to make them into some weird child army.
Okay, now since I don't have much to say I'm going to end off with a listy thing before I get ready for school.
Best part of the week so far: Optional IS
Worst Part: Compulsary Hebrew Lab
I love: Cargo!
I hate: Sister belting out songs at 7:30 on a sleep in day
Last night I had the strangest dream: Another Romacan dream! Only this tie it was all about how I was at Pontiac and saw the Romacan girls and got all teary eyed because I missed them. Then we were doing a formal lunch at Pontiac and my cell phone went off, like during an important speech, blaring Kelly Clarkson ringtone (which I actually have) and I got in trouble and wanted Romaca back. Plus, one of my campers at Pontiac in my dream was my camper from Romaca last year. And she liked me which was the strangest part. And Russo, since I know you're reading this; we at some point had a heart to heart about RR06 which is funny because I knew like 4 of your girls, the ones that took cooking and baking. All very weird.
At least: It didn't involve prequels and sequels of "From Justin to Kelly" like Monday night's dream.
Note to self: Get medication regulated as to stop have weird dreams
Breakfast: warmed up role from Fressers and orange juice
Current thought: I have the ugliest coloured carpet in the world
Deeply contemplating: the future (letter of intent done!)and how I am unable to function living on my own. Therefore thanking a higher power that I'm staying in Montreal a little longer
Guiltiest pleasure in the last 24 hours: Jess an I singing to "Escape" by Enrique at the top of our lungs with the windown down (I'm sorry I outed you Jess!)
Amount of garlic spare ribs consumed for dinner: too many to possibly leave my arteries in a normal state for functioning
Seems like just yesterday: "you were a part of me. I used to stand so tall, I used to be so strong"... (okay I had to do that- BEST SONG EVER)
On that note, these non-hazel eyes have to get themselves to Dawson...
emily :) (copying Kelly' signature is so the new sign off!) |
|
|
| Emily's baaaaaaack |
[Feb. 20th, 2006|03:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Oprah! | ] |
It's been about a week since I wrote one of these but it's not because I don't love you. First we had no Internet, then no power, then my laptop crashed. It was not a good week technologically for me. Plus, I could have written this on one of the computers that did have Internet, but then you would have missed my super-d-duper (remember Barney?) illustrations. Today is an Olympic one, but more on that later.
In the aftermath that was the technological outage of last week, I have gotten a pretty new laptop because sadly, my ECS one's nine lives were over. Well, she had more like 100, but I guess it was in the stars because now I have a shiny new silver one. And all my files stayed, so thank God none of the masterpieces were missing. I almost died when I couldn't find my iTunes (all 210 songs!)but then I did. Good story, I know. So yes, all is well, and laptop and technological sanity is resotred.
I'm watching Oprah now and she's doing something about "Aha" moments. I kep wondering if I've ever had any moments. I guess she thinks the word "epiphany" is too complex for most of the American public, so she's calling it an "Aha" moment. I, being highly eloquent prefer epiphany. That aside, I wonder if I ever came to an abrupt realization about the state of my life. I mean, looking back I can remember the days I made bad desicions, but the good decisions seem to have evolved. I don't remember the day or moment where I realized that I had changed. Somewhere in between the Summer of grade 11 and the end of last year. I can remember the day I stopped therapy (October 23rd, 2005), or the day I started working at Singerman (June 30th, 2003), or the day I started Dawson (August 18th, 2004) but I don't know when these events actually changed me into the relatively stable person I am now. I don't remember waking up one morning and saying "today, I'm going to be normal and positive". I think my "aha" moments were more subtle and that only in the combination of them can I have more of an "Aha" year, then a moment. I guess all I'm saying is that I'm a strong believer in change being gradual, after all we only really recognize epiphanies once they've already passed. We don't say in the moment "wow, I'm having an epiphany", we realize after the fact, after the change that it was a defning moment in our lives. October 23rd was just another school day, June 30th I went home crying because I hated being part of the working population, and on August 18th I practically had a panic attack trying to find 3F.23, I didn't realize until way later on that they were days that consequently changed my life.
Speaking of Singerman, it looks like I'm headed back there this Summer, and I have to say I'm super excited. I find it hard to believe that my five to seven year olds are now my 8 to ten year olds. I love going there partially because you get to see the kids grow up. Since there aren't many options for those kids, you're pretty much guaranteed to see the same ones year after year. They don't take off to sleep-away camps, or take spontaneous European vacations. If anything, they take a year off because the rices were raised, or because Walkley Camp is cheapr. But they remain in the community. I have to say that I like going to Cote-St-Luc mall for the sole reason that I might bump into a Singerman. I saw an ex camper of mine in a pizza place last year. She was 5 when I had her, but was 6 or 7 when I saw her getting pizza. I went up to her to say hi, and even though she had no recollection of who I was her older brother, who had also been at Singerman, came and gave me a hug. I like that these kids will remember me down the road, or at least I think they will, I can't say that I've had that impact on my Romacans.
Okay, lightening up a little bit; today's drawing is a still life of figure skating at the Olympics. Note the fine brushstrokes and the multi-cultural nature of the crowd:
Okay, last thought of the day before I go get my pre-dinner snack. You should all know that Kelly Clarkson now has an active blog! I am so glad she succumbed to the trend because now I can totally get updates from her, while she's on tour. It's seriously the best thing to happen to blogs ever. She doesn't use capitals very often, and the spelling is sometimes off, which are usually my pet peeves, but hey, it's Kelly Clarkson, she can get away with it. I still love her. I can't wait to hear more from life on tour in the UK. Oh who am I kidding? I can't to hear more from her period. She is officially the coolest person ever. And now she has a blog.
See even the cool kids are doing it....
okay, I'm off to go eat some melba toast considering there's no more sugar (read: anything good)in my house so melba toast will have to suffice.
peace out people
emily :) (that's how Kelly does her sign off) |
|
|
| From Emily to.... |
[Feb. 11th, 2006|07:05 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | none- my head hurts | ] |
Okay, so sometime in the last hour the thought came to me that I should turn this into an illustrated blog. Okay, it's really because I want to show off my fancy livejournal skills and prove I can now post pictures. So out came Adobe, and I got to what can only be considered the work of staggering genius. Anyways, said picture will represent a mini part of my day. Problem is I'm not to good at the whole drawing thing, so it's more of a caricature than anything. A mini caricature of a mini part of my day done with very mini talent.
Right, so the first illustrated blog I think I came up with subconciously. I was taking my nap, and now that my DVD player is fixed, that means only one thing; From Justin to Kelly. I own the colossally bad movie, but for some reason it's really effective when I nap to it. I sleep really well (who am I kidding it's the best movie ever. I love it). So I pop it in, watch up until the first musical number on the beach and then I'm asleep, and wake up a perfect nap time later when the credits roll. I did this twice in a row today, I wasn't feeling great. This might explain my tendency to wake up and scream having been horrified by Kellys hair throughout the movie, especially when it's up. So taking all that deepness into consideration I came up with today's illustration. They are wearing actual outfits from the movie (from what I can remember), but the beauty is in the details. Note Kelly's bad highlights and Justin's abnormal height. I hope you appreciate it.
I know, I should make this my living. Forget needy children, this is my calling.
In other news it's my mom's birthday today so like a good daughter I went out and got flowers and a Phish Food cake yesterday. Yay! Okay so a very happy birthday to my mom who is currently leading more of a social life than me and eating dinner at some fancy restaurant on Crescent with some friends. Also, it turns out my sister's friend is here for the weekend. Apparently, I have a house guest. Neither Cargo nor I is thrilled about sharing our space. Nothing against the guest, but my sister's worst qualities are always brought forward when there's a friend around. More loud, more talkative, more condescending. You get the picture. Hence my reason for speiding an unhealthy amount of time with my parents or in my room. Cargo is slightly shell shocked and is not moving from my bed. Not that he's big on moving, he is a Takefman you know.
So I had a rather typical Saturday, like I said I wasn't/am not feeling great so I just tagged along with the mother to Rockland, and a bunch of other places I would normally not go to without being severly anxious. Like Wal-Mart. Somehow that place gets to me. Too many people, too many decisions, and the worst, is that people, namely the people I go with, obsess over the worst things. It should not take over 30 second to choose a toothbrush. Same goes for headphones or connecting wires. Pots and pans largely have the same function and do not require an hour trip there. This is why I get annoyed. In my opinion, it has little to do with social phobias or whatever psychological term I was given for that in therapy, but just lack of stimulation. But yeah, that's what I did today, then went out for lunch and came home and "watched" From Justin to Kelly twice, consecutively.
Tomorrow I'm going attept to write my letter of intent, and do some homework so I can basically do nothing the rest of the week. Tonight I'm driving sister and guest to the mall and then coming home and nursing my cold/whatever badness. I have decided since I'm tired of conjunctions and prepositions to write the rest of this entry as a list:
Items purchased today: Gravel for my fish bowl
Lunch: Half a club sandwich
Regretting: sleeping for three hours
Thinking about: if there's any cake left
Contemplating: why all of a sudden there's a third 15 year old in my house
Anamole: Sugar cookies in the fridge with my newly diabetic father
Wishing: we got "Laguna Beach"
Staring at: Grade 11 class picture
Enjoying: Margaux in IS (she's too entertaining)
Things to do:
1. Get letter of intent written as to actually have a future
2. Fix iPod/laptop connection as to get new songs and not freak out when I have nothing to listen to on the metro and I become agoraphobic
3. Take on globalization yet again
4. Find potential shoes to go with dress for Florida
5. Re-watch Kelly Grammy footage (okay, might as well make that #1) and recreate the moment.
6. Not get eaten by an alligator while sleeping like last night
Well, doesn't look like there's much else to say, so I'm going to go back into the anti-social rut that is this weekend, and go make soup or something equally chilched for a cold.
Much love,
Emily |
|
|
| Sister Emily |
[Feb. 10th, 2006|08:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Breakaway- on SISTERS iPod for a change.... | ] |
We have to get some introductions out of the way. I'm doing a paper/oral in English about blogging and safety, and I used this as one of my links. So shout out to Mr. Young and all those others in my English class which keeps me from sleeping in on Fridays. Wow. I just said shout-out. I apologize profusely, that word should never, ever be used by me, or any other middle class white Jewish teenager. Anyways, so now there are 30 more people that know this exists, not that they would actually read it, because even I have better things to do. But if it's one thing I am, I'm an open book... sometimes too open and with folded pages, but you get it. Okay, bad metaphore.... Right, a warm welcome to Pop Culture Englishers!
So the week has gone by pretty quickly. Seems like just yesterday that I was procrastinating on a Sunday afternoon. Now it's a full five days later and I've accomplished little more than I had at this time last week. Well I did my Humanities and the other busy work due for the past week, but the letter of intent has yet to be written. I should really get on this whole future thing, considering it's something that actually ellicits emotion from me, and it's not a TV show. Well, there's not much planned for this weekend, so I'll try to get that done. It has to be at McGill for the 1st, I should write it in the next week, so I could subject to crucial editing before sealing my fate.
I hate when this happens. It's Friday night, which I don't mind spending at home every now and then (who am I kidding, it's pretty often), and my sister has two friends over. They're talking about who's doing what with who and when and listening to Hilary Duff while do their nails. I kid you not. But that's not that point. The point is, is that here I am, trying to be the aloof cool older sister sitting (alone) in my room blogging and reading this week's People. So much for cool older sister. I'd actually settle for "equally as cool as me" sister, but I'm now "rutty" sister or "sister with no friends". I should go out and come back at 3 AM drunk with a boy. That'll show her who has friends and who's cool! I do have a life I swear, just only on the last Saturday of the month and every other Thursday. There's something wrong with me wanting to impress my 14 going on 23 year old sister. I'll figure that out whenever I get back to therapy, which on a whole other issue I've decided will be an inevitable factor in the rest of my life. But what can I say? I got the brains and she got the beauty, which given the option I would have chosen the brains. You can get pretty, but it's hard to get smart. Right, nothing like the giggling and chatter of three fourteen year olds to make me feel social on a Friday night.
On to the biggest news of the week. Kelly won a Grammy! Actually, she won TWO Grammies. And Performed! And looked super hot. Let's just say the picture of her winning is already my cell phone wallpaper. I cried, like I actually bawled at the first one. Once again this is probably some indication of poor mental health being emotionally connected to a celebrity, but I digress. Anyways, yeah she looked super good in a black furry dress, which I wasn't crazy about but she still looked fab. I'll leave the fashion critique to Natie. I'm just so happy I'm not the only one who realizes the greatness that is Kelly Clarkson. My dad said hell would freeze over before she beat a Beatle, so I guess this is his personal appocalypse.
Second biggest news of the week is that I no longer have a Summer dilemma. Quick recap; applied for a camp in NY for fun thinking it would be great if Christa and I (both Romacan Rejects) could be cos again. Got hired. General Counselor again, but for older kids. The only problem; I was the last one they were hiring. So no chance of being with any friends. They told me this only after I said I was interested and my contract was in the mail. So I emailed Cornelia at CSL and told her my predicament; I wanted to be assured I'd get Singerman if I was passing up the opportunity in NY. She said that of course she would put me there. Wonderful, I basically had two coinciding jobs last week. I agonize about telling NY camp that I can't do it. Then on Monday comes an email from said NY camp telling me they overhired, and only have the youngest age group left. They knew I wasn't interested in that so now were in the "keep me posted if anything opens up" phase. I'm très excited that I got out of having to tell them I wasn't going to do it. It's just more of a cosmis sign that I'm supposed to be at Singerman. That's where my kids are, and the only place I've really been at home at in the Summer. Granted, it's a day camp so I live at home, but still. I love it there. My girls from my first year must be about 10 now! I already can't wait to see them and their pre-teen selves. I'm going to go all "I remember you when you were this big" on them.
Also, might I add that I really hope that all this talk about dreams actually being a manifestation of insecurities or desires better not be true. I have had the weirdest dreams in the past week, not to mention at least 5 crazy nightmares. Like intense nightmares. But the dreams, which come sparingly usually involve; a) a celebrity (last one was Eva Longoria), b) me, c) A familliar but random setting (Camp Maromac, the park across from Dawson). At least I'm usually really cool and friendly with the given celebrity. I guess that's why they call it a dream. Or is it really telling me I need to live in actual reality and stop day dreaming about parties in LA or movie premieres in NY? Oh well, it's working out nicely and they are much anticipated after the terrible nightmares.
Oh and in other exciting news......
I got 100 on my first Hebrew test. I had to write in cursive from a print dialogue. I'm glad I retained something from my JPPS days.
We are studying anxiety disorders in psychology. I feel bad for anyone in my class. In the persuit of theraputic soundness I'm going to try to contain myself next week when we get to OCD, but I'm not making any promises.
Double stuff Fudgeeos are death. Like actual death, I couldn't finish one without feeling the recesses in my mouth get bigger. I threw it out but then realized that amount of chocolate could kill my dog so I put it in the garbage that is not on the floor.
I am addicted to the radio.
Phish Food cake makes a bithday.
Exersice is definetly not my stress coping skill
Kelly Clarkson is still my hero, and I want to be her.
Olympics are overrated. So are sports.
Okay, so I'm going to go get on my cell phone and pretend to make plans or pretend to be disapointed they fell through so my sister and her cool friends won't think that I'm the biggest 19 year old loser they know. Then I'm going to get cake :)
Emily
PS: Really random appreciative moment: wrote a letter to the editor of Seventeen about her editor's letter in this month's issue and got a reply. I spilled my guts just a little, but it doesn't take much for me. She was very sweet and basically told me to email her anytime. Unfortunately she does not know my history of over emailing. I'll have to add that to the list of potential restraning orders against me which is getting a little longer |
|
|
| An Emily State of Mind |
[Feb. 10th, 2006|08:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
I wrote this last Sunday on Myspace but neglected to put in in my LJ! I'm so sorry!
I thought I would go random today and make a list. I don't often do this but I'm sort of tired of the long drawn out emotive posts of the past. Plus I'm procrastinating writing my letter of intent for Social Work and doing Humanities. Globalization is so not my friend right now.
Eating: Fresh Challah roll from Fressers (as I do most of the time for breakfast)
Risk taking: I'm waiting until lunch to take my pills. Yup, I'm a regular daredevil
Funniest moment in the last 24 hours: Orad "So do you guys have jobs in the real world?"
Anticipating: Florida in March :)
Not anticipating: Dieting to get into dress for Florida
Realization of the day: I'm jealous of the hot 13 year olds in Teen Vogue
Also eating: Gummies from the candy store yesterday; yeah about that dress....
Last movie watched: In Her Shoes. Very good, but I still think the book is way more fab
Current guilty pleasure: "Check on it" Beyoncee. Even the non dancer in me wants to dance
Afraid to admit: I want to see "Big Mama's House"
Randomest event in the last 34 hours: Buying my iPod a polo shirt. she's ultra-cool now
Reading: "Citizen Girl" very good
Am scared that: Will look rediculous at fancy dinner place tonight or make some massive etiquette mistake.
___ is the new____: Listening to the radio is the new iTunes
Today is: Something about a football game?
I miss: Diana's cookies
I also miss: 48 hours without leaving Kerri's house in grade 9
I need to: Get a life, no just kidding, go out with the girls!
Guilty of: Reading Teen Vogue, Teen People, and Seventeen in the space of 2 hours, cover to cover
Currently sitting: In my room
Annoyed that: My big computer lost Internet
Although enjoying: Serenity of my Mac
Life would be better for me if: I was naturally talented. Oh, and had a car.
Last night I: said something about free pizza when talking about Orad's show Thursday
Tomorrow: I get to be a primary resource in my abnormal psych class
I love (in this second): pyjamas
Kind of want to: Get dressed up and go to Cavendish with Katie all glammed out
Thinking about: Kraft Dinner and it's impact on globalization
Conclusion I came to: Absolutely none
Randomest sound: Cargo snoring
Remembering the days when: Kerri and I would go through the ECS phone book
Current random thought and anomole: Me in a Gym intensive? I am slowly going insane
Realizing that: It's uncharacteristically warm out
Also realize that: Sundays are meant for being lazy and staying in
Okay, I thought of all those myself :) no survey. I'm going to turn on the radio and do me some homework. If by homework I mean sleeping....
Love you all
Emily |
|
|
| Emily's Reasons Why Not.... |
[Jan. 6th, 2006|01:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | none..... | ] |
I love Fudgeos. Okay random statement but that's what I'm eating now. Fudgeo's are too often over shadowed by their cousins the Oreo, but I think they deserve their own recognition.
This is what happens when I don't have school. I think more than I usually do, which is a lot to begin with. Usually it ends in sheer randomness in babbling or obsessive emailing. I apologize for the overuse of the aforementioned in the previous three weeks. I suppose you want a reason as to why I abandoned my dear blog for what is almost a month. But then that would be narcissistic in believeing people other than Nation an Kerri read the blog. Not that they don't deserve an explination, I'm just stating that if I wasn't me I wouldn't read this blog either. Not that I read my own blog. Okay, only on occasion. Sorry, it's the lack of school taking over again, that or the 10 hours I've watched of "Dead Like Me" today, or the "CSI: Miami" marathion Jess, Kerri and I took in on New Year's day (I consider my self a forensic expert now).
Usually this is where I give an update, but there's honestly nothing to be updated on. Winter break has been treating me well, and I've been being super lazy, but having fun with the friends who are in town. Kerri moved in for five days, two of those with Jess and we basically did whatever we wanted. Laundry was not one of those things. Neither was cleaning up. However, high on the list were shopping and making chocolate cake with vanilla icing. Also I've been continuing the viewing of all the TV I never watched on DVD. I'm up to season 2 of "Nip/Tuck" (which I have to admit is slightly odd watching with your parents), caught up on "Lost", and almost done season 1 of "Dead Like Me". What an excitnig life I lead.
Well I think it's time I properly usher in the year that is '06. It's been the 06 for almost a week now which means a few things; 1) My fish Kerri bought me on New Year's has lived to be a week and 2) 05 is actually over. It was a good one, I must admit, and I've done enough Myspace surveys so most of you know my "bests" and "worse's". (A certain person in Arizona anyone?)Here though is a list of things I woulda/coulda/shoulda done in '05 (whoever said living with regrets was a bad thing?)
1. Taken advantage of my legality (ie: more drinking, less driving)
2. Gone out for more party-filled nights in Pittsfield, MA. I'm the only loser Romacan who is a Home Club and Depot virgin.
3. Driven on a highway (so not worth the fuss; it's not that bad)
4. Consistantly cancel plans (most of the time with Katie)
5. Had less therapy (as much as I hate to admit it, I think I'm done with it......... for now. I told myself that in sixth grade too, but we all know where that got me)
6. Filtered more (less unecessary emails, conversations or random thoughts not intended to be public)
7. Watched Passions more (what can I say? Old habits die hard, but I think I've finally kicked this one. Although I have to admit I miss being obsessed with the fictitious screwed up people of Harmony)
8. A whole slew of things involving the night of April 21st and the coinciding meeting of one very cool (and famous) person.
I can't think of any more. No, actually, that's not true. I can. I just don't quite feel like putting them down because they are nowhere near as interesting as the aforementioned. Not that those were interesting, but I lead a pretty mundane life so those were the top ones. I mean, there's always "I wish I studied more for my economics final" or "I should have actually taken a realy gym class rather than Stress Coping Skills" but I'll leave all those off of my list.
In other news....
No letter from Romaca yet. It seems they don't want me back. Not that I would have gone back, but I would have at least liked to get a letter as an acknowledgement for working my heinie off for the kids this Summer. I can't help but feel like I didn't do my best now that I didn't get a letter, and am disapointed in myself more than anything. Or it's just fate that I go back to Singerman, which deep down is what I think I'm meant to do. I've filled out the application, so that's the most likely path of my life this Summer.
Did very well in school this term mark wise, especially in psych. Am I still the only one who finds this eerily ironic? Actually, I would like to think my hours on the couch had some academic benefit for me. Next term it's "Abnormal Psychopathology" that should be a breeze. That one hits close to home. I think it might be necessary to have show and tell for my class in that one... "and these pills over here are the Prozacs, and that's the paper where I wrote my name exactly 100 times because that's a good number..." That would be a do not miss class. I should for sure get exempt from this one. I don't think the teacher knows that when it comes to psychological disorders, I'm a force to be reckoned with.
I've decided to stop using Kelly lyrics as titles. It occurs to me now that this is just a weird thing to do, and it was getting to odd to find ones that could even minutely relate to my life in any way. So I've given up. I'm very sorry for any chronic readers who had to put up with my misuse of Kelly lyrics for almost a year now. It's more of a "neg" then a sign of admiration as I intended. I am deeply sorry for this exploitation.
My mentality has changed a little over the past 6 days as well. It has occured to me throughout the theraputic process that I'll never truly be a totally different person than I was back in the tenth grade. That person will only be there, and as much as I want to deny it will always be a factor in my desicions. It's why I do over the top stupid things now (including compulsive emailing), or why everytime something goes wrong I have the deep urge to go back there. It is merely a condition of my life that I learn to incorporate the last 3 years experience into making the right desicions, not the wrong ones (although I can accept that mistaken are inevitable). It is my ultimate resolution to be checked into reality often....
Well, it's 2:00 now and I haven't eaten anything other than the afore mentioned Fudgeo, so I think I'll whip up some KD before catching up on Nip/Tuck some more. Happy '06 everyone I hope it's as good as 0'5 was or way better!
Much love,
Emily |
|
|
| And the lessons that I've learned with you by my side..... |
[Dec. 11th, 2005|09:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | None | ] |
I haven't updated in what seems like forever and a half, but I can't attribute it to sudden excitment in my life. Quite the contrary actually. I am deeply affected by the winter holiday and my lazy self is now even lazyer. I think about the procedure of typing and I think "Why can't people just KNOW what I'm thinking, it would make life so much easier". Then I figure if I don't want to write in here I shouldn't force it so I don't and then I land up putting it off as one of those things you should do but rarely get around to (like flossing). All this to say that I'm still here and basically filling the void of no Desperate Housewives to watch. And because I love you (obviously)!
I'm going back to work tomorrow so there should be an increase in the random blogs given that data entry and cleaningcan only take so many hours out of the 9-5 day. My dad's not even going to be there tomorrow so basically I'm going to his work, with all his worky people and not him. Should be lovely and not awkward at all. Honestly, the people there are all great and nice it's just weird to be there independent of him. He's in Florida for business (an oxymoron if you ask me) which is sounding good about now. Why exactly didn't I want to spend vacation there? You know you're a hermit when... Well at least I got to go shopping in the honour of work because I don't own anything but sweatpants. It was fun to try on skirts and stuff so I might just have to bear with the pain of tights.
I went to visit my old stomping ground Friday; check in with the little ones. This might sound wrong but I love that they love me. I mean there's nothing like feeling wanted, even if it is by 14 7 and 8 year olds. And the kindergarteners I worked with last year remembered me too, so I've got Junior School pretty much covered. I miss them a lot. It was just the best thing to go into the K class whenever I wanted. I'm sure it was annoying for the teachers at times, but they never let on. I think somewhere they knew that I needed my time with those kids and by letting me sit on unusually small chairs and read to them was helping me more than they knew. It's theraputic with kids; what's great about them is they only see good in people first. They actually understand what it means to be unconditionally loving. They don't assume evil of people which actually is quite inspiring. I owe what little sanity I had in grade 11 until now to those kids. I mean since then I've gone to four or five birthday parties for different kids, and babysat for three of them; and I have a great time doing it. I like to think of them as my 14 litle sisters with no strings attached; I don't have to deal with their temper tantrums and all the bad stuff. But I wonder if ever I'll look back on this and wonder if they truly knew my graditute for just being there literally. I remember filling out the ECS application 7 years ago and writing that I liked that there was a Junior School attached. I still don't think those girls (now in grade 2) will ever realize that in my hours of "volunteering" they were giving back more than I was. I don't mean to be sappy or to over emotionalize things but honestly it's what made the difference between me getting through the year; and me dreading the end of it. The same feeling keeps me at Singerman. Though let me tell you, Romaca is very hard to leave behind and I don't know if I can, even though I didn't particularily bond with my juniors.
It's going to be a short blog today because I'm exhausted and want to save what little I may have to say for tomorrow's lunch break. I feel another Kelly-centric blog coming on, but I have to figure out the proper way to address it. When I think about it, it actually makes me depressed. Okay that sounded wrong; not depressed because of Kelly just at life's stiuation in general. I've been way too mellow for it to be good mellow anymore. I'm hoping it's just a passing phase. I don't actually feel like reflecting on that right now so I'm going to go brush my hair and get to bed; 10:00 when on vacation; how cool am I? I don't quite know how to articulate the weird numbness of the past week or so so I'm not even going to attempt it. Although I guess I already have my thinking about it. Sometimes I'm too cliche for myself to handle, and you guys shouldn't have to deal with that. So I'm gonna go now....
Love you all
Emily
PS: Kelly=2 Grammy nominations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She should have gotten more but I'll settle for two. And the hotness that was the Seventeen photoshoot is most definetly going on my bulletin board. I am too cool. |
|
|
| Sometimes you can't go back.... |
[Dec. 3rd, 2005|11:33 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | calm | ] |
So I actually didn't update for a whole week because I've been *GASP* working. Not actual physical labour but just school work that has to be done for finals because next week this time I'll be cruising my way into six weeks of winter vacation. This term went rediculously fast; I can't believe it was a whole quarter year ago that I got back from camp. I lack perception of time. I mean yesterday can feel like decades ago, but the Summer feels like last week. The actualy length of three months hasn't quite hit me yet; I still don't think I can fully comprehend what the actual 90 or so days that have passed have been like. Maybe life was especially boring this term, and that is why it all just seems like on day.
I'm sitting here in my Romaca staff shirt thinking about the Summer again. I really regret not keeping in touch with more people from Romaca; but I feel like it's as if I talk to them now it would be random and out of place. Realistically I know it wouldn't be since they're all great people, but I don't know, does it make any sense to say I'm shy? It's been so long since the good times; but yet I can remember every detail perfectly. I miss not waking up to the Reveille and the "Goooood morning Romaca, it's another beautiful day in the Berkshires! Flagpole in 15 minutes, flagpole in 15 minutes" and going on time off to the Almamarter, and a "Good night Romaca, we love you". There's something about the routine there that I find so comforting. But I think it has little to do with actual routine; but maybe the routine of seeing the same people fpr 2 months, 24/7. The same great people. I know it's my fault that I don't talk to them anymore, but I feel like it's just different; just like my friends have no idea what I'm talking about wheen I try to describe the horror that is "Predator", or explain my red "Trust" bracelet (which I still wear) I can't help but wonder if there's anything but camp for me to talk about with the staff. Which is funny, cause I know there is. I mean we did make conversation for almost 3 months. But on some level I just don't know what we would talk about, after the "remember when Karen broke the Friendly's sign at Kat's birthday?" and the "remember when the juniors decided to prank us?". Part of me feels that camp was great, but it's over now. But anyways, if any Romcans are reading this, know that I think about you guys a lot and all the good times, and even the bad. I miss you guys and I totally didn't forget you- even if some of you are literally on the other side of the world. You made the Summer what is was; amazing.
Okay now that I'm done reminiscing about the good ole Romacan days, I can talk about the rest of the week, even though there's not much to say. Char came in and it was pure greatness, and I have become extremely jealous of her college lifestyle, especially in NYC. I miss her, it was a great time with the four of us. And dinner at Kerri's was just like last year; good food, great people, dirty balloons, and topped off with the ghetto birthday brownie with one candle and a burnt bottom. It truly was an experience. Went downtown, and then on Sunday worked my behind off to get two essays done; which let me tell you is extremely rutty when your best friend is only in town for three days.
Speaking of ruts, I was reading my Education text the other day and I came across the most brilliant phrase; a rut of unintelligence. How great is that? It explains my current state so well; like I've had all the smartness drained from me because of school and am now left in an unintelligent rut. I need IQ dialysis or a smart thing streaming through me on IV.
On Thursday I had the first day in a while where I felt actually bad. Like I walked out of school actually wanting to die and go straight to bed; but I had a psych test to study for. I was just so zombie, which kind of scared be because I haven't been that way in a while. I'd say it was finals, but I don't think it is. It's all this self-reflecting and deepness. Like, I might be getting in touch with myself but this soul searching thing is hard, and I just hope I don't sucuumb to the pressure because it's been tempting. Whatever, luckily most of the time when I'm down I think I'm stupid for feeling that way, and "fake a smile, a laugh" ask Kelly so beautifully puts. Sometimes I like a security net of people....especially those who have been here or there or wherever it is I'm at.
On to happier things...
Okay so I got the Seventeen with Kelly in the mail finally; it's actually looking at me now and the pictures are super hot. It's a great photo shoot overall. The article is good too; I'm super jealous of the 18 year old that interviewed her. How did she score that gig? And I don't know why but the interview makes me happy (I cried the first time) especially the part where she talks about being in a good relationship and it's showing her how good it can be after the badness. Okay, I'm getting to involved, I can sense lots of you rolling your eyes thinking "here we go again" as I continue this paragraph, so I'm going to end it here.
Let me just say though, the state of denial is mounting. It's becoming clearer and clearer to me that the likelihood of elly coming back in the next year is very, very, slim. Which is great cause she's been touring for practically a year now, but neg because I doubt she'll be back any time soon if at all. Well, at least I had a chance at all. I'll stop being self centered and spoiled now. Let's just say I might need to go back into therapy if it actually doesn't happen. With my luck though, it won't and I'll shrivel up int the fetal position and rock back and forth. Just kidding, I hope. I really don't have much to say today, I'm kind of tired and need to go walk my brother, who's adoption day is today!!! 6 years of Cargo-ness!
<3 Emily |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92){kind=small}
mini_tak17's journal